The Dare
by Lurelee
Summary: Shigure dares Kyo and Yuki to act and dress like girls for a week, posing as their own cousins. How will they deal with that? [OOC, Stupidity, one sided YukiKyo]
1. The Dare

Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket, the furuba world or anything that has anything to do with fruit baskets. So don't sue me! And I don't know the name of the editor, nor do I care.

Warning: Chapter contains OOC-ness, crossovers and stupidity. It also contains Yuki being insane and talking to the author. Enjoy.

Prologue: The Dare

Sunday, April 1

Sohma Shigure, 27, perverted novelist and the year of the Dog, was relaxing, minding his own business when suddenly, HIS EDITOR, whatever her name is, popped up beside him, screaming as if hell had broken out and just kicked her in the ass.

"SENSEI!" She screamed furiously, waving her arms around as if hell had burnt them. "Where have you been?"

"What do you mean, where have I been? I've been right here!" Shigure said, being quite bothered by her waiving. "And would you stop that? You could poke somebody's eyes out!"

The editor calmed down, but only slightly. "I need the next chapter Senseeei!" She whined, and the twitching in her left arm threatened to start waiving again.

"Yes, yes. Wait here and I'll go get them. Just… sit still and don't move at all."

Shigure got up and, without the intention of returning, walked into his precious house to keep making up schemes and other various, evil things we all know he does when he's alone.

The one scheme he was working on right now, was one of his master pieces, mostly because it amused him so much it made him giggle.

"Tohru-kun, would you lock the door for me?" He asked, because if he didn't lock the door, his editor would come in sooner or later.

"Okay!" Tohru replied and, as Shigure could hear her footsteps running towards the door and the 'klick' that came from the locking, he lowered his head so it was covered in shadows. It looked like he was thinking 'yes, yes, lock that door! Now nothing shall disturb me and my evil schemes! Ku ku ku ku!'

Though what he thought was something more in the lines of 'I kind of want ice-cream!'

'Schemy, schemy, schemy!' he proceeded to think while he frolicked about with a bowl of ice-cream. Not many people know this, but Shigure (and Momiji) are Supermen, and are uber-fast. Indeed, it's truly surprising.

Later that night, at dinner to be more exact, everyone was eating quietly, listening to the rhythmic sound of Shigure's editor banging on the door, crying her eyes out and threatening to kill herself. To Shigure, it was soothing. To Tohru, it was confusing. To Yuki it was annoying. To Kyo, it didn't matter.

After about 5 minutes of silence, Shigure decided to start his scheme right here and now, as everybody seemed to be bored enough to agree to his little… demand.

"I know!" He exclaimed, making everybody look at him oddly as it came out of nowhere. "Let's play truth or dare!"

"What? No!" Kyo said and glared at Shigure. "There's no where in hell I'm playing truth or dare in a fanfic again! I always end up kissing Yuki for some reason!" Or vice versa. Ku ku ku ku.

"Don't remind me about that." Yuki said and looked like he was going to throw up.

"But still, it would be fun, wouldn't it Tohru-kun?" Shigure said matter-of-factly and turned to Tohru.

Tohru was beaming because; well, she's a girl and girl's like that stupid game. "I would love to play, Shigure-san." She said and glanced at her two best male friends. "But if Sohma-kun and Kyo-kun isn't up for it…"

"I'm in." Yuki stated, taking a sip of his water.

Everyone turned to look as Kyo. Yuki, because he wanted Kyo to run away and not be in the game. Shigure because he needed Kyo to be in the game for his scheme to work. Tohru to see if he wanted to join in.

"What? What're you looking at?" He almost screamed.

"Are you in?" Shigure asked, nodding as in saying 'if you don't join I'm going to rape Tohru.'

"I…" Kyo glanced over the people looking at him. Oh, the stage fright. "I'm in, so stop staring at me!"

Everybody stopped looking at him.

"Okay, okay! So I'll start!" Shigure said, practically jumping of joy. "Err… TOHRU, truth or dare?"

"Emm… Truth!" Tohru said after a while of thinking.

"Which of the 12ishi and the cat are _really_ your favourite?" Shigure winked and pointed at himself, making sounds like a dog. Kyo and Yuki stared at him.

"Well," Tohru blushed slightly and looked at Kyo. "The same as always! The cat!" She paused and thought through what she said before she added. "But I like all the other animals a lot too, now that I've met them!"

No surprise there. Well, it was for Kyo, even tough he'd heard it before. Insert slight blush in his face, and he's set. Good.

"Okay! So now it's your turn, Tohru-kun!"

Tohru thought. And thought. And thought. I'm serious; I could go on for days. Anyways, after a few minutes she said "Yuki-kun, Truth or Dare?"

"Dare." He said calmly, but shot Kyo a competitive look and smirked as in saying 'I dare ya to take the next dare!'

"Excellent." Shigure said, as he saw it, and put his fingers together.

"Eto…" Tohru said, because 'err' is just not the same. "I dare you to…" More thinking. "…" Shigure got fed up, and leaned over to her and whispered a dare.

Looking confused, she repeated what he said. "I dare you to… French… kiss… Kyo… WHAT? No I can't dare him to do that, Shigure-san!"

"But you said it, so they have to do it!" Shigure said and giggled like a girl. Though this was not a part of his scheme, it was still fun, and only made his highly amusing scheme more amusing. In the words of a lot of people: "It's all good."

Yuki and Kyo had frozen on the spot, both because they hated the words 'French kiss' and 'Kyo' in the same sentence. Especially if it was a dare directed to Yuki.

As soon as they unfroze, they both fainted.

"What happened?" Tohru asked worriedly while overreacting like she always does.

Shigure raised his hand to his chin in that all-knowing kind of way. "They seem to have past out." He said calmly and all-knowingly.

Then, suddenly, both Yuki and Kyo woke up again, looked at each other and threw up.

"Don't throw up on my carpet! It's new! Aya-san sew it for me!" Shigure said in fake despair.

Both Kyo and Yuki stood up and looked furiously mad and pissed off. In fact, Tohru was sure they'd kill Shigure this time. Shigure noticed this too, and he wondered if he'd gone a bit too far this time. If he died here he wouldn't be able to proceed his scheme! Oh well, he had fun.

"First of all," Yuki started calmly, but deadly, like a black widow having sex with its soon-to-be-dead husband. Damn, Yuki, you're even compared to a girl! "Shut up!"

"What?" Everyone looked at Yuki.

"No, nothing, I wasn't talking to you." He shot the author a deadly look as in saying 'let's have sex later, hon.' Let's remember that Yuki is being compared to a black widow and that the author has no interest in having sex with a female-looking, male amine character.

Satisfied, for some odd reason, Yuki turned back to Shigure and continued with his talking. "First of all, you don't sew carpets! You knit them!" Of course, that's not true either, but Yuki is, supposedly, a man. "SHUT UP!" Yuki yelled.

"Yuki, are you insane?" Kyo asked, taken aback by the rat's uncool outburst.

"NO!" He yelled.

"NOW DO THE DARE!" Shigure yelled, trying to sound like god or something, because he flashed a light on Yuki.

"Okay already!" And before Kyo knew what was happening, he had been French kissed by Yuki… again.

After being stunned for 10 minutes, the time Yuki was French kissing him, he rushed to the toilet, and everyone could hear him barf. A lot.

Yes, Yuki French kissed Kyo for TEN WHOLE MINUTES! It makes you wonder about him, doesn't it?

"I didn't French kiss Kyo for 10 minutes! It was more like 10 seconds!" Yuki yelled furiously at the author.

Yeah, yeah! I timed ye, matey! It was 10 minutes! I'm starting to wonder about your sexual preference. And gender.

"SHUT UP, You god damn pirate loving samurai!"

Aye! That's me alright.

Just then, when the author decided to stop humiliating Yuki and Shigure and Tohru was seriously considering getting him to a doctor, Kyo came back in.

"You bastard!" He muttered weakly, because his whole stomach had literally come out the wrong way. "You bastard!" This was also the only thing he could say at the moment.

Tohru, being the helpful little flower she is, handed Kyo a big glass of water and some candy to get the taste of his dinner out of his mouth.

About, oh, let's say 15 minutes later, Kyo was his normal, anger management needing self again, and everybody was happy. Disgusted, but happy.

Yuki, wanting to get revenge on Shigure, chose him. "Shigure, truth or dare." He said coolly, because he's always cool, I'll give him that.

"Truth." Shigure said without any though at all. What could the rat POSSIBLY ask to embarrass him?

"What are you _really_ scheming with this game?"

Oh no, Shigure! That feminine rat-boy has seen through you! What ever will you do?

"Tell the truth, of course! I'm scheming to darekyotodressandactlikehisownfemalecousinthatdoesntexistforaweek."

"Say what?" all three teens asked, because they didn't follow.

"I answered, so I won't have to repeat myself! Now! Kyo-kun, truth or dare?"

Kyo was about to say truth, because he was sure he had heard his own name and dare in Shigure's rambling, but then he glanced at Yuki who was shooting him that look again. "Dare" he said, pissed off.

Shigure grinned wider than his face. "I DARE YOU TO DRESS AND ACT LIKE YOUR OWN FEMALE COUSIN THAT DOESN'T EXIST FOR A WEEK!" He yelled happily so everyone could hear him.

Silence.

"Say what?" Kyo asked, unsure if he'd gotten it right. Shigure repeated himself.

"But how? I can't do that! I have school this week!" Kyo objected, still kind of cofused.

"Oh, but I've already informed your school that you won't be there this week, and that your cousin, Sohma Eri, will come instead for a week. I dare you to fool them all." Shigure paused and took a deep breath before he continued. "And I've even gotten you wigs, make up and female uniforms!"

"Wigs and uniforms? You planned this, didn't you, bitch? And why are there two of each? Do you think I'm that dirty, huh?" Kyo said furiously.

"Oh, no," Shigure waved him off. "I was just thinking you should get Yuki-kun over there to join you. After all, you had to be in his dare!"

"You bastard!" Yuki and Kyo said in union. "You've been planning this for weeks, haven't you?" Yuki continued, while Kyo was fuming. In fact, smoke was coming out from his ears and he was starting to sound a little like a train.

When Shigure noticed this he laughed. "Calm down, Kyo-kun, or you'll spontaneously combust!"

"I. Am. Not. Doing. This. Dare." Kyo said, restraining himself from killing Shigure, like a tiger kills it's pray and eats it raw.

"Why do I get a black widow and Kyo a tiger? That's so unfair!" Yuki yelled without keeping his cool. Everybody stared at him oddly again.

Shigure ignored it and said "Why? You scared?"

Kyo spontaneously combusted, but like a phoenix, he was reborn from his own ashes.

"I'LL SHOW YOU, ASSHOLE! I'LL DO IT AND YUKI TOO!" Kyo yelled in rage, earning a smack over his head from Yuki. But there was nothing Yuki could do, because the author had already decided to make him the girl he is.

"So it's settled!" Shigure said and put his fingers together. "Exellent."

--.--

Kyaaa! First chapter! Oh, my! I hope I pissed a lot of people off! Though I hope a lot of people cracked up as well.

Anyways, this chapter will most likely have 7 more chapters (a week has 7 days, you know!)

And now, because I want to; a dialogue between me and one of the characters that appeared in the chapter! This chapter it's… YUKI-KUN, The black widow!

Yuki: I hate you for making fun of me!

Mr Yamamoto: I love you too, hon.

Yuki: I SAID I HATE YOU!

MY: And _I_ said I love you. Big deal. Now go to bed!

Yuki: Never! Hey, is someone other than you handling your MP3?

MY: What? I must fly! (Flies away)

Yuki: (shrugs and drinks a cola)


	2. The terrors of eyebrow picking

Monday: The terrors of eyebrow-picking

An: Haisha means loser in Japanese, and Shousha means winner (I looked it up). Though I don't actually think these are names, I doubt anyone would ever call their kids something that means 'loser'. At least they sound girlish.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed. Anyways, here are the people who I just felt I had to answer:

Demon Writter: Well, they'll try, but they'll probably not succeed, because Shigure is too awesome.

Blood Thirst: Too bad, you were the one I wanted to piss off… Just joking! Actually, I don't know if you'll like the following chapters, as I'm not you. But _I _will certainly like them. I hope.

Kracker Lace: Ah, long time no see! I love your nick! Anyways, I'm sorry for printing such a horrible image into you head… though it was intentional, so I guess I'm not actually sorry… Anyways, like always, you help me out! Thank you very much! I got an idea from you, so look out for things you recognize! Not in this chapter, though, because I'm almost done with it when I'm writing this!

--.--

It was a new day and a new gender for our favourite furuba boys, maybe, as they got themselves ready for school. Tohru, being a girl and all, applied makeup on the two boys, even though the author doubts she actually wears it herself. Yuki, being his feminine self, was especially easy to make a girl out of, as he already looked like one in almost every way.

Kyo, on the other hand, was harder because, well, let's face it; Kyo is the manliest, studliest, macho-est man in the entire Furuba series. Sort of. With the exception of Hatori, because he's manlier, studlier and machoer, mostly because he's way older and, supposedly, handsomer.

"Kyo-kun, you'll have to sit still." Tohru said as she carefully picked his eyebrows and anyone who has ever picked their eyebrows before knows that it is the worst kind of torture in the world. Can you see why Kyo was tossing and turning?

Kyo wanted to scream 'It hurts, it hurts!' and 'Save me from this hell!', but restrained himself, because the ever so perfect Yuki was in the same room, glaring at him for making Tohru pick his eyebrows. Even though it wasn't Kyo's idea to pick his eyebrows in the first place, as it was Shigure's, so Yuki blaming him for it was pretty childish.

Yuki didn't need help to pick his eyebrows. In fact, he had already picked them himself a hundred times before, because he's a prince(ess) and prince(esses) are always perfect in every way. (when it comes to looks!)

Anyways, Kyo was being tortured by Tohru. Tohru was unhappy because she was torturing her beloved Kyo. Yuki was the perfect girl.

But what about Shigure? Well, if you have to know, he was currently talking with the headmaster at Kaibara High.

"Ah, hello, this is Sohma Shigure, care-taker of Sohma Kyo and Sohma Yuki." He said in the phone, with a big smile in his face because his scheme was working perfectly.

"Ah, Sohma-san, how do you do?" The head master, whose gender and name isn't needed in this fic, because this will probably be the first and last time he's ever mentioned.

"Fine, just fine." Shigure replied. "Anyways, I'm calling to tell you that Kyo-kun and Yuki-kun isn't going to attend school this week."

"Oh? Why is that?" The headmaster seemed quite curious for a made up character without a real personality.

"Well, due to some rather complex family matters, they decided to go to their cousins schools and go there for a week." Shigure paused, proud of his actor skills. "However, their cousins will come here instead. Is that okay?"

The headmaster was silent for a while, to add more suspense. "Well, okay, but I don't want any trouble from them!"

"No, no, I can assure you, they're just like little angels!"

"Oh!" The headmaster seemed happy about this, and it made the author wonder if she had created a perverted monster. "Well, then, they're welcome to stay here for as long as they want! What're the angel's names?" This was, supposedly, some kind of "joke". Apparently, the headmaster doesn't have a sense of humour.

"Sohma Haisha and Sohma Shousha." Remember how Shigure told Kyo he'd already called and told the headmaster about Sohma Eri's arrival? Yeah, well, he lied.

"Those are some odd names…"

"Their parents are odd people. But who can blame them? After that car crash seventeen years ago, they just haven't been their sane selves…"

Yes, Shigure is a very good liar, mostly because it's convenient for the author. If he wasn't, the author, and the rest of the world, would've doubted he would ever pull this scheme off.

"Oh, okay. I'll put them in the same class as Kyo-kun and Yuki-kun. Tell them to go to class 9E."

"Okay then! And thank you so much for letting them in on such short notice." Shigure buttered on with a sweet voice. In fact, the headmaster kind of wondered if he was talking to a woman.

But he didn't have time to ask, or wonder for that matter, before Shigure hung up. He clasped his hands together as a dark shadow… shadowed his face. Then he laughed. He laughed maniacally. "Ku ku ku ku ku ku!" He laughed, because the author is a (very rare) fan of Kururu, the yellow alien-frog in Keroro Gunso.

But let's skip ahead to when they're in school because the author is lazy and just read a parody on fanfics, and want to copy it by being a fanfic writer.

No, the author just joking, she would never skip the preciousness of Kyo being tortured, as she knows how much everybody loves it. She means, everybody obviously loves it, as everyone seems to think Yuki and Kyo make a good couple and wants to see them kiss. Kyo being unhappy is just too damn sexy and precious at the same time.

"Yu-Yuki!" Kyo whispered even tough he used an exclamation mark. Yuki looked down at the poor, yet unbelievably precious and sexy cat. "If I die, I want you to know…" Kyo took a deep breath, while suppressing the tears that threatened to appear any second. "I want you to know…"

Could this be a confession of love? You know you want it!

"I want you to know…"

"Hurry up and say it, baka neko." Yuki snarled, as he was annoyed and pissed off at the stupid author. And because he couldn't in any way get to the author and beat her up, he took his rage out on the poor, precious and sexy orange cat instead.

"Damn you… Kuso nezumi! I won't die yet! You… bastard!" And just about then, when Tohru was done picking his eyebrows, he passed out in her knee.

"Kyo-kun?" She asked and touched his face. His eyes were still open.

"Ara?" Shigure sounded when he walked through the door and found Kyo being unconscious. "Is he dead?"

Yuki and Tohru both nodded, as they realized Kyo wasn't actually breathing. And, no, this is not an extravagation of how it feels to pick eyebrows for the first time. The author would rather be shot than actually have her eyebrows picked again for the first time. Seriously, the picking of eyebrows is, probably, worse than having someone cut off one finger at the time while raping you with a broomstick in the ass.

Tohru started panicking. "Oh, no! Kyo isn't breathing! CPR! CPR!"

"Try mouth to mouth, Tohru-kun!" Shigure said, trying his hardest not to giggle because of the wimpy-ness of Kyo. But Shigure has never had his eyebrows picked, so he's not the one to talk.

And, hold your breath Kyoru fans, 'cause here it comes; Tohru leaned down and mouth-to-mouthed Kyo! Aw mi gawsh! But do not fear, YukixKyo fans, Yuki will probably rape the poor guy sooner or later, seeing as he's jealous right now!

"I am _not_ jealous, you stupid furuba fan who think you can actually write!" Yuki yelled furiously because, apparently, the author had hit a nerve. I told you he was jealous! And don't question my writing skills! _I am your GOD now!_

Later, when Kyo woke up again, (Shigure made him sniff ammoniac) they realized that even though Kyo had been tortured unconscious, Shigure had lied to the headmaster and Yuki had been jealous of Tohru when she gave Kyo mouth-to-mouth, they weren't late for school yet! It was magic!

"Here," Shigure said and held out two wigs, one orange and one grey. "Put these on, and make sure they don't fall off! Because if they do, everybody will know you two are perverted cross-dressers. It's a win-win situation!"

"HOW IS THAT WIN-WIN?" Kyo yelled furiously, because he was pissed off for various reasons. He's always pissed off about something.

"Now, now, Kyo-kun, you should know by now that that would be highly amusing for me." Shigure said, rather matter-of-factly, as if they should actually _try_ to get caught.

Caught off guard by Shigure's rare display of honesty, all Kyo could do was stammer "Sh-shut up!"

"Now off you go, girls!" Shigure winked and closed the door before Yuki and Kyo had the chance to kill him.

Since nothing interesting happened on their way to school, except that car that almost killed Kyo and that man who tried to rape Yuki in the ass and that big bird fromLegend of Zelda; The Wind Wakerwho tried to kidnap Tohru and take her to the cage in Forsaken Fortress so Ganondorf could think she was Zelda, we're just going to skip that part and jump straight into first period!

"Class," The teacher said when they were done with their morning exercises, or whatever it is they do in the mornings, because she's rude. "We have two transfer students here today, and they are only going to stay for a week. In the mean time, Sohma Yuki and Sohma Kyo are not going to be here… for a week. Is this a coincidence?" The teacher, who the author has forgotten the name of, asked the two tall girls standing next to her, both sweating and looking utterly suspicious.

However, the teacher ignored her own question and jumped straight to "Go on, introduce yourselves!"

"Err…" Yuki stuttered, because he was less easy to discover and therefore didn't have to be as careful as Kyo.

"I heard you two are twins. But that can't be right; you look nothing like each other." The teacher cut in, because she's rude.

"Err… Well, we _are_ born the same year, and I guess we're sisters too…" Yuki thought out loud.

"Doesn't that mean we're twins?" Kyo asked with a high pitched voice.

"YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW?" The teacher yelled without an apparent reason except adding some loud humour.

"O-of course we know, sensei, we just… haven't thought that much about it!" Yuki said and sweat dropped because somehow, the author had left the many sweat drop occasions unsweat dropped. Did that make any sense at all?

"So which one of you is the loser?" Teach asked with a laugh, making both Yuki and Kyo glare at her.

Yuki was the fastest one to speak. "He- SHE is!" He pointed at his supposed twin sister, also known as Kyo, with a smile. "I'm the winner!" He stated this quite proudly, as he gave Kyo the look that said 'loser!'

"Okay then," the teacher panted after about 15 minutes of hysterical laughter. "Haisha, you can sit over there, where Kyo used to sit, and Shousha, you go sit on Yuki's spot!"

"Err… sensei… do you have a particular reason for putting us in our cousins seats?" Yuki asked this mostly because he kind of wondered if they had already been found out.

"EH? You're Sohma's too?" Some random Sohma-fan girl shouted loudly. However, everybody ignored her.

"Haisha has orange hair, just like that loud little brat Kyo, and you have grey hair, just like that stuck up princess Yuki." Teach stated and shrugged.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING, OLD HAG!" Kyo screamed at the top of his lungs, but somehow, the teacher didn't hear him because the class was full of Sohma-fangirls who was screaming. Well, maybe the class wasn't really filled with Sohma-fangirls, but there's a few, and they're all loud.

"Ehh? Sensei, don't say that about Yuki-kun! He is too beautiful for you too even mention!" A particularly high pitched voice yelled.

But the teacher ignored them. "Hmm… Wasn't that Kyo's voice right now?" She asked herself thoughtfully.

"Kyo!" Yuki whispered, pulling his arm, but quickly changed his mind. "_Haisha_, don't scream like that with your voice! It's too dark! You have to lighten it a bit!"

"Well, _Shousha_, I can't help it if I don't have a girly little princess voice like you!" hissed Kyo before he walked over to his usual seat, proud he was able to get the last word in.

Yuki sighed. This was going to be a long week.

A/n: I got… 11 reviews for the last chapter… Oh, my! I'm so happy! I've never gotten that many reviews for the first chapter before! I hope it keeps up, 'cause I love getting reviews! However, I haven't read the last two reviews when I post this chapter, because they haven't showed up yet! Sorry! I'll make up for it in the next chapter, I promise!

And now, conversation with the author! This chapter it's KYO-KUN, the molested one!

Kyo: HOW AM I MOLESTED?

MY: Well, you see, in the last chapter Yuki frenched you, and in this chapter Tohru gave you mouth-to-mouth.

Kyo: I'm going to be honest with you, Yamamoto, I didn't really mind Tohru mouth-to-mouthing me. In fact, I was only faking the unconsciousness.

MY: Or so you say…

Kyo: Shut up! And why is my name Haisha, anyways? I know you like me more than that Yuki-bastard!

MY: Aww… Kyo, that's not true, I love making fun of you equally! I can't choose one!

Kyo: Hmph, whatever!


	3. The Author is GOD!

Chapter 3; The author is GOD!

Golden Dawn: (Sorry, your review didn't show up before I updated!) Well… err, you know what, I'm a girl. Maybe I'm misleading people with my penname but I assure you, I'm a girl. The MP3 thing… Well, it's a joke between me and my brother. I know I shouldn't have joked about it, but I did so… deal with it? Haha! I'm happy you think my story is funny!

Golden Dawn (again): It seems Yuki had his own little Kagura… You, that is…. Stop wrecking my review page! I need it to be happy! (Cries)

Hatori Obsesser: Hmm… you sweat drop a lot… maybe you should consider taking a shower? (Joking!) Well, yeah, Shigure gave them those names. Why? He found them amusing! I gave them those names because Yuki always wins and Kyo always lose.

The New Shinigami Hikari: yeah, me too… well no, I don't have a phobia, but it hurts like hell.

Artistic: I'm happy you feel that way,

Kari2500: Really? I have a nice sense of humor? I think you're the first person, ever, to tell me that. I hope you liked this chapter as much as the last two chapters! In fact, I hope you like it more!

CaptainLidya: Err… No, I own 3 fruits basket books, and that's it, though I've read to chapter 91 and I've seen all 26 episodes. And… I don't know how I know the characters… I guess I just do.

--.--

"Kazuma-san?" A mysterious, hoarse voice said in the phone.

"Yes?" Kazuma replied, wondering who this mysteriously hoarse person could possibly be.

The mysterious cleared his throat. "It is me, Shigure-sama. Sorry, something got stuck in my throat!" He said with a funny laugh.

""Shigure-sama."" Kazuma said sceptically. "Why did you call?"

"Ho, ho, ho!" Shigure exclaimed with an evil grin in his face. "I was wondering if you'd like to come over for tea later?"

Kazuma smiled. He liked tea. "Sure" He replied "what time?"

"Oh, I don't know… how about 3 pm?"

"Okay! Then I'll be able to see Kyo-kun, too!" Kazuma said enthusiastically.

Shigure laughed loudly. "Ku, ku, ku, ku!" He laughed. "You sure will!"

Sohma Kyo, now known as Sohma Haisha, because that stupid cousin of his had snatched the good name before he had the chance to, tapped his fingers against the table while he spaced out, looking through the window. The teacher was talking about something he didn't care about, so he didn't listen. Something about how the author of this fic is God, and should therefore be worshipped with chocolate. Lots of chocolate, and coke to wash it down! Don't worry, the author is very athletic, so she won't get fat!

It was still first period, Kyo noticed when he glanced at the clock over the door. He sighed loudly, forgetting that the teacher was actually teaching the rest of the class something.

"Am I boring you, Haisha-san?" The teach asked and walked up to his desk. "Because if I am…" She cracked her knuckles in a threatening way that didn't scare Kyo at all.

"Yeah," He replied dully, with his normal voice, but a loud cough from Yuki caused him to look over at him. Yuki signalled that Kyo would be regretting not using a girly voice for the rest of his high school life and as Kyo's life as a free man only would remain free until he graduated, it was actually his _whole_ life.

Clearing his throat, he quickly made his voice more feminine. "I mean, of course you are, sensei! I don't think you've ever amused me!" He said politely with a bright smile that was very unlike anger management boy.

"Good." The teacher said and turned around, satisfied until she thought through what he had _actually_ said.

Slowly, she turned around and faced this Haisha girl who resembled Kyo _so _very much, boiling of anger. "What did you say?" She hissed.

A vein popped up in Kyo's forehead, mostly because of annoyance, and he jerked his head up and looked straight into her eyes. "I said you've never amused me, sensei!" Now if Kyo was smart, which we know he's not, he would've thought about the fact that this was supposed to be his first, ever, day in this school. But no, he didn't think about that. However, the teacher was too angry to notice.

She slammed her fists on Kyo's desk, forgetting who she was talking to. "Sohma Kyo, How dare you say such things in class? For your punishment you will have to buy everybody in this classroom bread for lunch!"

"What? Isn't that Haisha-san?" A few students asked themselves, looking confused. However, they didn't have time to think more about that because a verbal war arose between the teacher and Kyo.

"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO THAT!" Kyo roared loudly, glaring at his unfair teacher.

"YES I CAN!" The teacher roared back. "IN SCHOOL, I AM YOU GOD!"

The author coughed as in saying 'No you're not, _I _am', but didn't say anything because only Yuki would be able to hear her anyways.

And so it continued for pretty much the rest of the hour.

Later, at lunch, Kyo made his way to wherever you buy bread, accompanied by Yuki, Tohru and her two best friends, Hanajima Saki and Uotani Arisa.

Uo was still laughing loudly, while she recalled the fight with Tohru and Hana.

"Haha! And when sensei called Haisha 'Sohma Kyo'! Haha! I don't think I've ever laughed that much!" She said, after she calmed down a bit.

Kyo froze. "She called me Sohma Kyo?" He asked and looked at Yuki.

"She sure did!" Uo dashed Kyo in the back, laughing again. "But who can blame her? I never thought I would ever meet anyone like that carrot top… other that himself!"

"Yes," Hanajimas stern voice said, black orbs fixating on Kyo. "Even your vibes are exactly the same."

At her statement, both Kyo and Yuki froze. Oh no, they thought, what if she's found us out? They had totally forgotten that she was a wave-reader!

"Kyooo-kun, Yuuki-kun!" A high pitched voice sang happily. "Ara? You're not Yuki and Kyo?"

Momiji, followed by Haru, stood before the two cross dressing boys, grinning widely.

Yuki was the first to reply. "Ah, Momiji-kun, long time no see!" He said and held out a hand. Momji shook it.

"Who are you?" He asked straight forwardly.

Yuki scratched the back of his head, thinking like he'd never thought before. "Err, well, we're your cousins, Haisha," Yuki pointed at Kyo, "And myself, Shousha. I don't blame you for not remembering us though, as we've only met a few times when we were small!"

Confused, Momiji looked at Haru, who shrugged, looking bored. "You look an awful lot like Kyo and Yuki, you know." Haru pointed out dully. "But that's okay, because then I can hook up with you." He said just as dully, turned to Yuki, who looked kind of disgusted.

"Shut up, you bastard!" Kyo muttered, because he was still annoyed with the teacher, and didn't really want to see Yuki being weird with Haru.

"Aww, you don't have to be so mean, Haisha-san." Momiji said, crossing his arms over his chest, looking disappointed. "You even act like Kyo!"

"What's wrong with that?" Kyo asked and looked out the window. A big, black cloud, shaped after the beautiful and slim silhouette of the author, told him he was going to take a shower out in the open on his way home.

"You are going to take a shower out in the open on your ay home, Kyon-chan!" The author's voice boomed from the cloud. Kyo shook his head furiously and looked out the window again. The cloud was now the shape of a pig running after a cat. "Why are the clouds always shaped after things I dislike?" Kyo muttered to himself.

"Well, first off all," Haru said, because he obviously hadn't heard Kyo's muttering. "Sohma Kyo is a violent bastard with a _huge_ crush on Tohru," He stated, having turned black without anybody noticing. He glanced at Tohru, who was oblivious to what he just said.

"Second," He continued, looking back at Kyo, who was currently fighting the urge, and losing, to beat the cow to a purple pulp, with an evil, yet sexy (and precious) smirk. "Kyo has _ugly_ bright orange hair."

The _vein _appeared on Kyo's forehead again, pulsating like never before. He clenched his fist while taking deep breaths, counting to ten slowly.

Why is he being such an asshole? He thought furiously. Who triggered him to become _black_? Wait… it was me, wasn't it? When I said shut up you bastard… BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT! He's forgetting the time he got lost on his way home, and I helped him! He was crying like a baby! _Fucking cow!_

"Third," Haru leaned closer to Kyo's face and whispered "_he's still a virgin!_"

The vein exploded, and so did Kyo's head and upper body. But not really.

"YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!" Kyo hollered, forgetting all about being a girl. He flung himself at the smirkingly sexilicious black Haru with both legs and fists. Haru, for some reason liking the idea of fighting a girl, blocked the attacks before he himself threw a couple of fists at Kyo's face. Kyo, being the excellent martial artist he is, easily countered with a kick.

But then it happened. And with it, I mean **_it_**! Kyo was wearing a long wig and Kyo isn't used to having long hair, so when he dodged a kick, he accidentally stepped on the wig, causing him to fall backwards and tumble right into Tohru.

In the confusion and pink smoke, Yuki was quick to take action.

"Look at that!" He pointed at an oddly shaped cloud, strategically placed there by the author to save Kyo the utter embarrassment of Hanajima and Uo not only finding out about his true identity, but also the fact that he turns into a cat when hugged by someone of the opposite sex. At the same time Yuki signalled for Tohru to take Kyo, his clothes and wig and _get the fuck out of there!_

And so she did! Followed by a roar of laughter coming from Black Haru and a girlish giggle coming from Momiji (because they figured out who Sohma Haisha _really_ is), she picked up Kyo and his belongings, clutching everything tightly against her chest and ran like _hell._ Being a hormonal teenage boy, with a crush on Tohru, Kyo was very happy cats don't blush.

"Hey, Shousha, what're we looking at?" Uo asked as she looked through the window with her arms crossed, not being very interested in clouds.

Looking after Tohru, Yuki replied absent-mindedly "Ah, just look a little while longer, and I'm sure you'll see it, Uotani-san!"

Hanajima, who was also looking through the window, sighed dreamily. "That dark cloud is so electrical." She stated dully and stared at the big, black cloud on the horizon.

"Hana-chan, you are so strange!" Uo said to her dear friend in black. "You even sense electrical waves from _clouds_?"

"Clouds are where electrical waves usually come from. Some people call it 'lightening'." Hanajima stated again without taking her eyes off the cloud. "When they are that big and electrical, my senses are useless, because all I can sense is the cloud…"

A loud sigh of relief came from Yuki, and he silently begged the author, also known as _GOD OF THIS FIC_, to keep the cloud over Kaibara High for a week. "Maybe!" The authors booming voice replied and chuckled warmly.

As Tohru disappeared around a corner, Yuki gave up another, but not as loud, sigh of relief before he turned to Hanajima and Uo again.

"Hanajima-san, Uotani-san, shall we go?" He asked. In response he got loud laughter.

"Only Sohma "Prince Charming" Yuki calls us that!" Uotani chuckled and gave Yuki a friendly pat on the back, earning herself a few glares from some random Yuki-fanclub members. "Call us Uo-chan and Hana-chan, like Tohru does! And we'll call you Shou-chan, because there are too many Sohmas in this school!"

Giving her an awkward smile, he replied "Okay. But what about Haisha?"

Uotani shrugged. "Carrot top is fine with me," She snorted. "But if she's anything like anger management boy, I guess she would be pissed off if I call her that…"

"Let's call her Hai-chan." Hanajima's dull voice said with a creepy smile, still watching the dark, author shaped cloud.

Meanwhile, Haru and Momiji had disappeared right after the pink cloud incident without anybody noticing. But then again, nobody noticed when they arrived either, so I guess they're good at not being noticed.

Momiji was still giggling like a girl, and he looked like one too, but not as much as Yuki always looks like a girl. "Hi, hi, hi, I can't believe they tried to lie to us!" He said, quite loudly. Haru looked at him with bored eyes that said 'what are you talking about?'

Momiji looked back at him with wide eyes that said 'have you forgotten?'

Haru nodded with an expression that said 'I always forget things black Haru does.'

Momiji gave Haru an unexplainable expression that said 'Really? Anyways, you know Haisha and Shousha? They are actually Kyo and Yuki!'

Haru narrowed his eyebrows in a confused expression. 'How is your face able to express all that?'

Momiji shrugged and with a grin his face he expressed 'I'm amazed we can actually understand each other!'

Haru nodded. 'Me too." He expressed.

Various passer-bys stared oddly at the two boys with expressive faces. But who could blame them?

Meanwhile in the girls room.

Breathing heavily, Tohru leaned against the door of a bathroom stall.

"Kyo-kun," She panted. "I think we're safe now!" She put the orange cat down on the toilet and turned around so she faced the door. "You can turn back now!"

"It's not like I can _choose_ when to turn back!" Kyo snarled. However, he turned back the second after he snarled it, making him look like an idiot. But Tohru didn't think he was an idiot anyway, because she would never think anyone was an idiot, no matter how idiotic they were. It always makes the author chuckle warmly at her.

Pink smoke filled the small stall they were currently locked in together, as Tohru didn't think about waiting for Kyo _outside_ it.

I wonder why the smoke is always pink, Tohru wondered, coughing when the smoke filled her lungs, making them pink, unlike the smoke from cigarettes.

About 15 minutes later, Kyo and Tohru were back in class, frolicking about, having totally forgotten about the bread Kyo was supposed to buy.

"Hey, Haisha-san, where's our bread?" Some random guy asked playfully, holding out his hand. Kyo slapped it away.

"There's no way in hell I would ever use my money to buy bread for the likes of _you_!" Kyo hissed, disgusted by this person he barely knew. He cracked his knuckles, mostly so the guy would be scared and not talk to him anymore. It didn't really work, though.

"Sensei, Haisha-san didn't buy the bread you told her to buy!"

It seems all OCs in this story is either annoying perverts or irritating squealers. Or squirrels. Not that any OC has been a squirrel so far, but I assure you, as the _GOD OF THIS FIC_, that a squirrel called Daz SqurrelzZzZz will appear every now and then, so don't forget that name.

**_Daz SquirrlezZzZz._** You may not forget.

Anyways, the little squealer squealed to the teacher, and the teacher exploded. Literally. Her guts, blood and ripped flesh was scattered everywhere. Some girls shrieked. Some guys did the same. Tohru fainted.

And Kyo? Kyo shrugged and decided he might as well go home now, seeing as their teacher was dead. So he did, dragging Tohru behind him. On his way he met Yuki, Uo and Hanajima and told them what happened.

They all shrugged and went home, aware of the fact that this is a fic, and nothing in fics are real.

After a 10 minute walk, in the rain, Yuki and Kyo, with Tohru carried between them so they wouldn't transform, arrived at their big and beautiful house, which always makes the author drool and wish she was Japanese. Which she's not. Damn.

"Ah! Shousha, Haisha, Tohru! My three favourite flowers have come back to me!" Shigure shrieked happily as soon as they entered the room he was currently sitting in. But he wasn't alone, to Kyo's horror.

With him, sipping some green tea, was Sohma Kazuma, also known to Kyo as shishou. Yes, _the_ shishou.

Damn, Kyo thought before he fainted.

--.--

There was something about the last chapter that I forgot to add, and it was that I don't know, or care for that matter, which class Kyo, Yuki and Tohru are in. (2-B, is it?) Anyways, I decided to give them a class anyway, so they got the name of _my_ class; 9E. So now you know and won't be confused about that anymore. Though I doubt you were confused in the first place.

Lastly, conversation with the author! This chapter it's TOHRU-KUN!

Lurelee: I changed my nick!

Tohru: I noticed! It's beautiful, Lurelee-san!

Lurelee: Thank you, thank you! Anyways, how was it, being alone with Kyo, who was naked, in that tiny, tiny bathroom stall?

Tohru: (flustered) what do you mean, Lurelee-san?

Lurelee: (winks) you know what I mean!

Tohru: Yes… Err well, it felt…

AND THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAD THIS WEEK! BE SURE TO TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR MORE GOODIES AND HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER IN 'THE DARE'!

(_The Dare _is a licensed product owned by Lurelee-sama and her fans. If you are not a fan of this author or if you are copying this plot, you should either become a fan or stop copying. Discovered copies will result in flame after flame, because the author of this fic is a real bitch when it comes to unoriginal work. Make sure you review like a good little reader, or the author will be sad and feel unloved and if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.)


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